big beginnings

It's been a month since Fall '09 college term got underway. At first, I thought I was going to just die from the workload and the liberal dweebs they call professors at that school (Boise State). I have 4 classes (twelve credits), and none are internet classes anymore. 3 are on the main campus in Boise and 1 is at the local campus. Just a week after being in school, I came down with bronchitis. Then, a week and a half after that, I had to have eye surgery. Although it was nothing serious, I was already exhausted from bronchitis and it has taken me 2 more weeks just to feel like I'm going to live through this ordeal.

Further, I just added an internship (3 more credits) to my load. WHY?! Honestly, this internship is JUST MY THING! Listen to this...The Women's Center (on campus) puts out a yearly publication focused on powerful women in the Treasure Valley. They recruit writers to interview a few of the nominated women and then to write a short bio. I am on board for this project! I am so excited! I will gain valuable experience in interviewing, and, best of all, I will have my name on the byline in the publication (which comes out in March). Additionally, there is a huge gala to celebrate the 25 nominated women and the writers (ahem). This is a catered event (yum free food). Sounds pretty awesome right? I expect to be exhausted and frustrated and scared and stressed at times, but overall, I am thrilled and tremendously at peace to be on board with this project. It's EXACTLY what I've always said I wanted to do. And this is just the beginning...

Hopefully my energy and zest will hold out until December when this term is all over. =) It's really been a heavy load to shoulder. Isn't it amazing how Heavenly Father helps the shoulders to become stronger to accommodate the burden? How, when I feel completely unable to carry it anymore, He reaches down and lifts it for me? Faith is an amazing stress reliever. I know God lives because I have felt His influence directly in my life and felt His presence lift my soul.

Sweet Summer

The honeysuckle and peony smell like pure heaven. My syringa just popped into bloom yesterday and I spent no less than 15 minutes with my nose buried in blossoms yesterday. My first thought when I saw the syringa blossoms was, "My mother would love it!" and my second thought was, "I wish I could gather an armful and put them on my Grandmas' graves. They would all love it!" Unfortunately, 2 of the graves are in Eastern Idaho and 1 is in Montana. (yes, many Grandmas for me thanks to adoption).

We had to spray herbicide on our property for the first time ever. The poison hemlock was out of control this year, and the city slapped us down a cranky letter from the "Noxious Weed Department." Mmmmm, tax dollars hard at work.... I could hardly even go outside while Wayne was spraying, I am so sensitive to the poison. Hopefully the noxious weed will be eradicated without further ado, but I doubt it.

I put my squash plants in extra-large pots this year and they are going crazy! I am so pleased with the result I think I will put a butternut squash plant in another large planter. They seem to thrive! Who knew!! As an added bonus, if I end up needing to spray for squash bugs, then I can keep the pesticide to an absolute minimum. I usually pick off and kill nasty bugs, but squash bugs are so hard to squish and they are SO prolific! Even all of my lovely preying mantis can't keep up with the tremendous hordes. YUCK! Hahaa, squash bugs are hard to squash!!

Speaking of preying mantis, we are seeing our babies hatching from their foamy nests! We have probably 20 little nests here and there around our property, and the babies are SO cute! They must be all of a centimeter long, but they still rear their heads and they mean BUSINESS! hahaha, it is SO cute!

We have 2 garter snakes in residence as well. All of the neighbors had a good laugh last week when I pulled up a tarp and WOO! both little snakies popped out for a visit. I couldn't help myself, I screamed and screamed as I ran around the yard. HAHAHA!! MAN! They are definitely beneficial and welcome in my yard, but hoo-diggety-dog they scared the pee-doodles outta me.

My mother is enduring two months of radiation and chemo to treat the cancer that returned to her throat. I expect she will need all of your prayers. For those of you who attend the temple (LDS Temples) will you please remember to put her name on the prayer roll every time you go? She really needs support and love. Thank you.

Life Goes On...And It Is All Good.

I can't believe it's been a month since my last post! What a relief to be into May and almost done with this term of school. I am looking into internships this summer, however, so I will probably be busy a few hours a week with that (if I get one that is).

Life has been moving along at a steady and satisfactory pace. All of the doctors' appointments panned out well, and it turns out all of the problems I've been having lately are completely related to the original heart/autonomic nervous system disorder. Whew! Whew? Yeah, whew! No strokes, brain tumors, aneurysms, circulatory blockages, kidney disease, or cancer of any kind. Life will continue to be full of ups and downs with my health, but hopefully there will be a few more ups than downs.

I have encountered a few experiences this month that I feel are worthy of note. One occurred while I was walking ( I think a lot as my legs propel me around "the fishbowl"). It happened to be quite cold that day, and I was buzzing as fast as I could to keep warm and to get done! I was complaining in my mind about winter and how particularly long it had been this year. I realized that even through the darkest, longest, winter there is always the hope and faith that spring and summer will come. For those of us who live where there are actual seasons, it's a pretty for sure thing...after winter is spring! Just like after night is morning. LIFE IS THIS WAY. I recently went through a "winter" or a "night" and felt pretty bleak spiritually. In the end, "summer" or "morning" finally came and I was renewed and filled again with hope and enlightenment.

My little pug dog, Sally, was sick a few weeks ago. She was QUITE ill, so ill I wrapped her in blankets and rushed her to the Pet ER in Meridian. I was there for several hours with her as the vets at All Valley Pet Hospital tested her and then took care of the problem. She had a little blockage in her guts that was causing her extreme pain and discomfort. She was VERY ill. I was terrified! For those of you who don't know me very well, I am extremely attached to my little dog. I completely adore her, and here she was in the hospital, so so ill. When the vet told me it was a little blockage and they were going to take care of it right then and there, I felt tremendous relief wash over me. We had been there for several hours while she was being tested, examined, waiting for lab results, and then having the obstruction removed. That whole time I had been watching TV (nothing else to do). I went outside with her so she could poddy. It was about 1:30 A.M., very quiet, very peaceful. I felt peace fall upon me like a blanket. Then, as soon as we walked back into the building, I sat down by the TV again and looked up. RIGHT THEN, a commercial for an LDS video came on, and there was a clip of the Savior on the sea of Galilee calming the waves as He said, "Peace, peace be still." I burst into tears. WHAT WERE THE ODDS? I had been watching TV for hours, this was the first LDS commercial and it happened to open with the Savior saying, "Peace, peace be still." I KNEW that Heavenly Father was watching over me and my little dog. He knew I had been worried and anxious and sad. He blessed me with the message of peace. I knew it was for me. It was not a coincidence. Of course, my Sally began to recover as soon as the blockage was removed and is now back to full health; sassy and happy, bouncing all over everything.

I've had some great talks with my oldest son lately. He loves his old mom just a little I guess. Many times during his life, I have questioned my parenting skills and ached to be a better mother. He has let me know, though, that he is glad I am his Mom, and I haven't done as bad of a job as I thought. Thank goodness for prayer, because I have used it every single day since my sons were born and God has never failed to direct the paths of these magnificent sons. And they are magnificent; my goodness I am a blessed mama.

My magnificent sons are outside in the dark chasing each other around our large yard with air-soft guns, my precious piggy (pug dog Sally) is snoring sweetly on my lap, and life is good. It is really really good.

so weary

Having chronic health issues, I am well accustomed to visiting many doctors and having numerous procedures performed on a regular basis. I casually point out the best vein for blood draws to the lab techs, and yes, numerous poke holes adorn the inner curve of my right elbow. This morning, I made yet another trek to the doc's office and, come next week, I get to add another specialist to my large doctor team. The new doctor is a neurologist, o the joy. Attached to this visit will be more procedures, more lab work, more guessing. What it all boils down to is that the doctors really have no idea what is going on, and they really don't care. It's not THEIR body that malfunctions regularly, they don't wake up nights in excruciating pain coughing to rid the lungs of excess fluid. They don't weep with terror and fear, they don't feel crushing anxiety for their future welfare. Their bodies aren't aging so rapidly it's alarming, and they have plenty of money to see to all of their needs and wants.

It is extremely rare for me to whine about my health issues. Usually I smile and just roll with it, but today, I wanted to gripe and scream and stomp my foot. Not that it will change anything in the least, but for once, I want to voice my fears and frustrations. I'm not even middle-aged yet, and I have the body of a 70-year-old woman. When I go to the cardiologist, I am the youngest patient in the waiting room, by at least 30 years! When I went to the opthamologist (yes, another doc on my team), she was astounded with the problem I have with my left eye, since, yeah you got it, usually only the elderly experience the problem! What have I got to look forward to? I'm 36 now and have all of these problems. So....what happens when I'm elderly?? I can see just see it now. Age 40 I'm on oxygen and a pacemaker, age 50 I'm on a cane and hearing aids, by age 60 add a wheelchair and a braille book, and age 70 a mummified corpse. YIPPEE!!

Navigating the healthcare system makes me feel like a lab rat in a maze desperately trying to find the way out.

Please don't give me any advice or sympathy. I'm just griping, that's all. For so many years I have smiled and soothed everyone else's scared feelings about my health, but not today. Today, I am sick, I am tired, and I don't feel too hot mentally or physically and I don't care how you feel about that. I'm afraid and I'm in pain and I'm deeply concerned for my future. I can't pat you on the back and tell you, "I will be just fine!!!" because I need to start doing that for myself. Go ahead, be worried, be afraid, wonder if I'll live to be 50. I'm too busy just trying to survive to hold your hand.

Conversely, as I walked out of the doctor's office today, I felt peaceful and optimistic for the first time in over 2 years. I was weeping, but I did feel watched over by my Heavenly Father. I felt an overwhelming love from the Savior. I knew that HE knew my suffering, my pain, my sorrow, my tremendous fear; He suffered it all for me in the Garden. He knows when no one else does.

"Where can I turn for peace? Where is my solace? ....He, only One."

My BP is dropping, which means I'm probably headed for a "crash." o the joy. But I've still got homework, class, kids to love and raise, a home to run, cleaning my house, taking care of my yard, church responsibilites, etc. etc. etc.

Solace in Sickness

I'm sick with the flu. Yeah, hooray for me. Achy, feverish, tired, and just a general feeling of YUCK has prevailed all day. I did some of my homework, Math, Chemistry, and Biology wait for no woman sick or not, but was bored stiff laying around in bed all day. I did a bunch of quizzes on FaceBook which told me stuff I already knew (I'm stubborn and independent WOW! surprise!) and was so bored! Suddenly, I remembered I had a stack of Ensigns that I had NOT read. December, January, February, AND March. Since I started school this term, I have been so busy with homework that I've failed to make time to read this crucial publication of modern-day revelation. After I had spent several hours devouring all of the inspiring and poignant articles, I realized that I was grateful that I had come down with the flu. It forced me to turn to that which is of utmost importance and to re-acquaint myself with the words which I love to read, and to reorganize my priorities.

To the Moon and Back

It's been awhile since I last posted. I am so busy with school this term, I've hardly had time to breathe. I've been really worried (what a surprise, I was worried about something) about my family now that I am enrolled at BSU full time. I barely have time to say hello and ask them about their days, much less do very many activities with them. During yesterday's talk time after Joey was in bed, I apologized for being so involved in my homework all the time. I asked him if he felt left out or lonely because I am "nose to my books" literally every day except Sunday. He looked up at me with a sweet expression on his face and said simply, "No." I was a bit surprised and so I probed him a little more, "Are you sure? It's okay to be upset that I'm so involved with school." Once again, he insisted he was totally happy with the situation. Suddenly, it dawned on me, he really was glad! He has been in charge of his own schooling with only guidance and minor direction from me. He pulls up his own schedule every day, writes down what his assignments are, then gets on it. When he needs my help, he simply comes to me, gets the help he needs, then is off again. He is growing up and, for him, the current situation suits him just fine. So, I swallowed my Mommy Guilt and we continued our talk time, then we said goodnight.

As I walked out of his room, I was thinking (yes, it's true, I'm always thinking too!). I know I'm supposed to be getting my education at the full-time level until I am finished (2 more years). I have prayed so hard that Heavenly Father would watch over and protect my family because I simply cannot do it all. And He has! He has picked up where I left off; He has made up the difference.

In our lives, we can do everything in our power to be perfect and righteous and wonderful, but in the end we will always fall short. Guess what? That is just life. It doesn't mean we're bad mothers, terrible people, and unrighteous saints, it simply means we're human. Do we recognize that if we reach up as high as we can Heavenly Father will reach down the rest of the way? Do we see that there are days when we can reach quite high, and other days when we can barely lift our arms at all? Thankfully, that distance doesn't matter to our Father. He will make up the difference.

One of my favorite bed-time stories that I used to read to my boys has a line that says, "I love you to the moon and back." Heavenly Father loves us that much and more.

Plow Through The Pain

A few months ago, my precious mother started experiencing terrible pain in her knee. She went to a chiropractor and obtained temporary relief, but the underlying problem just wouldn't go away. Reluctantly, she consulted a different doctor. The presence of arthritis in her knee was confirmed and surgery was required to correct the problem. Just before Thanksgiving, it was done. During the holidays, she cared for her knee appropriately (well, she overdid it a little, no one can get that chili pepper to stay put), but she wasn't healing as well as she had hoped. For those of you who don't know my mother, she is a tiny woman with bright red hair who never sits still. She hikes all over the hills and mountains of Idaho and even hiked in Moab, Utah last summer. She is the definition of "Zoom, Zoom." Feeling frustrated over her lack of mobility, she sought the counsel of her doctor once again. He was displeased with her recovery as well and referred her to a physical therapist. After 2 weeks of intense therapy, range of motion in her knee still hadn't improved enough. Frightfully, the doctor insisted on a "last ditch" attempt: she needed to come in to the hospital, go under anesthesia, and he would bend that knee to break the scar tissue and free up the joint. She was so nervous about this procedure but knew the choices before her: be maimed for the rest of her life or go through this tremendously painful experience.

Yesterday evening, she called me after she had arrived home from having the bone crunching done. She was happy. The pain was ferocious, almost worse than she could bear, but her prognosis is excellent. The doctor acknowledged the scar tissue was thick and stubborn, but he successfully broke through it and, through a few more weeks of physical therapy, full recovery is expected.

As we talked about her experience, we realized the spiritual likeness in our lives. Oh, so often we are called to travel through experiences that are fierce and flaming. We can either choose to avoid them and remain crippled for eternity, or we can grit our teeth and lift our chin (like my incredible Mama always does) and plow through the pain. As we come out on the other side, we will experience relief, joy, and increased strength.

Please Pay It Forward

I am participating in the Pay it Forward exchange. Keep in mind you have a whole YEAR to do this. This is how it works: Pay It Forward Exchange is based on the concept of the movie "Pay it forward." I will send a hand made gift to the first three people who leave a comment to this post on my blog requesting to join the PIF exchange. All the gifts will be made and posted out within the next year. How exciting to not know when your surprise package will arrive! What you need to do in return is pay it forward by making the same promise on your blog. This Exchange is only open to those with active websites or blogs. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS PROMISE TO POST THIS SAME 'PAY IT FORWARD' MESSAGE ONTO YOUR BLOG, WHICH MUST BE ACTIVE IN ORDER TO PLAY. YOU WILL PAY IT FORWARD TO THREE PEOPLE WHO COMMENT ON YOUR BLOG. I'd love for you to join me! Will you? Other comments are welcome, but only the first three will be my Pay It Forward recipients. Come and join me. Who doesn't love a gift or giving gifts??

Dreams With Depth

A couple of nights ago, I had a bizarre dream. I lived in a different house: it was an old historic house that Wayne and I were restoring. It had amazing wood floors that echoed a deep Thunk! when I walked on them. In this dream, I owned a snake; a King Cobra to be exact. (I know, how creepy is that?) This snake was old and a pretty beat up. When it was in its cage it just flopped into a ball and never moved or struck out at anything. One day, the house was quiet and I was there alone. I got to looking at that old, pathetic snake and felt a little sorry for the creature. I decided to let it out of its cage. (I know, you are all screaming, "AHHHH DON'T LET IT OUT!!!" Remember, this is a dream where I couldn't control my actions, okay?) I dumped Mr. Cobra out on the gorgeous hardwood floor, and he just curled up into a harmless little "S" curve and did nothing. I was busy refinishing something and didn't really pay Mr. Cobra much mind. He continued to lay on the floor doing absolutely nothing. I left the room for one second to get some supplies and when I got back, Mr. Cobra was gone. Just like that! I started to panic, "HOLY COW! There is a SNAKE loose in my HOUSE...a KING COBRA!!" No one else was home, remember, but I have 6 pets that I absolutely adore, all of whom would make a tasty meal for a big ugly snake! I started running through the house desperately looking for the filthy creep and praying that he hadn't eaten my husband's Chihuahua, my pug, or the cats.... (I wasn't too worried about Smokey; good luck eating a 75-pound labrador...) Finally, in an upstairs bedroom, I found Mr. Cobra. He was reared up in all his youthful glory, hood fully expanded, looking a WHOLE lot different than the old, sick, pathetic, "S" I had left on the floor only moments before. The focus of his beady eyes was one of my cats, Fizzy. She was crouched under a low table hissing and spitting to beat the band, but she was going to be dinner for Mr. Cobra! I was SO mad that this dirty bum DARED to try and make my kitty his dinner, and I reached out in a flash and grabbed the slimeball around the neck (do snakes have a neck?) and choked it to death.

Upon awakening from this disturbing dream, at first I laughed to myself and thought,"Wow, I must be wacko for dreaming about snakes!" Then, I started to think. Now, most things to me become a spiritual experience because I really look for God's hand in my life. I became aware, almost as slowly as the sun rises, what the meaning of this dream really was for me. How does Satan work? Oh yes, he is a snake for sure, I know he is, but he disguises himself or makes himself appear "harmless" or "pathetic" just like Mr. Cobra did in this dream. Additionally, if I turn my back for even just one second, his true nature will suddenly reveal itself and I will be in immediate peril. Just like in my dream, I need to search out where he may be hiding in my life, whether it be through media influence, complacency in prayer, the "all is well in Zion" syndrome, or any other matter of blindness. Finally, once I discover his influence, I need to recognize my own power to crush it and kill it and rid myself of it.

And maybe I should install wood floors, wow those were sure nice!

Spiritual Serenity

Peering out my window this morning, I saw a soft, white fog resting in the air. Quickly donning my winter gear and hoping for above-freezing temperatures, I stepped out into the clouds. As I moved forward through the quiet mist, I began to think upon spiritual matters. For instance, the fog softens and mutes the sounds of traffic and barking dogs, much like the Holy Spirit quiets the clamoring eruptions of the world. Furthermore, it curves and curls around the earth blurring the rough edges, much like an artist's magic putty. Walking quickly to stay warm, my little pug dog and I soon began to breathe heavily. I felt as if the clouds and I were breathing in opposition to each other; inhaling filled my lungs with the clouds' exhale and vice versa. They and I, existing together, are both God's creations. Further down the road, I discovered some trumpet vines with fog dripping from their naked, outstretched tendrils, and a patch of fountain grass bent meekly under the weight of frosty crystals. I began to think of all the plants and animals that must weather through the season of cold and bitter weather, and then my thoughts turned to my life, and your life, and the lives of all mankind. Truly, we are called on to weather raw and icy seasons of our lives, aren't we? Where do we turn for peace and warmth in those dark and dreary times? A scripture from The Book of Mormon came to my mind as I pondered this question. It is in 2 Nephi 25:26 and it says, "And we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ, and we write according to our prophecies, that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins." Just as sunshine is the source of light and heat, Jesus Christ is our source to whom we may turn, if we will, in those sorrowful seasons. May peace from heaven wrap itself around us just as the tranquil fog rested upon the valley today.

Loving Leaders

Sister Neal (from church) called me last night and asked me to talk for a couple of minutes during her lesson about a leader that I have loved and why. The first person that came into my mind was my father and the second was my mother. I have had many other leaders who have deeply affected my life: YW leaders, bishops, RS presidents to name a few. However, by far the most influential leaders in my life were my father and mother.

Although I have countless examples as to why my father is an incredible leader in my life (I could fill up volumes if I wrote them all down), one particular example comes to my mind. My Dad was the bishop of our ward throughout all of my teenage years. Living in a very small, predominantly LDS town, I rebelled a little bit and started going with a guy who walked a touch on the wild side. My parents were surprised and a little befuddled because I hadn’t ever done anything like that before. During this time, we attended a Young Women in Excellance night where I received some kind of advancement award. On the back of the piece of paper was a place for the YW president and the bishop to write a little comment. My Dad expressed his love to me and then he wrote, “It only takes one fly to spoil a pot of soup. It only takes one folly to ruin a reputation.” Now: he and my mom could have had a FIT over this guy. They could have grounded me for life and demanded that I never see him again. Instead, they trusted me and trusted that I would make the right decision. I believe that my Dad, also being my bishop, was able to receive clear and distinct inspiration for me, and he acted on that inspiration.

My mother was an incredible leader in my life because she taught me how to care about other people. My earliest memories of my mother are of accompanying her while she faithfully went visiting teaching. She also baked fabulous, amazing, homemade bread. She was the first one at sisters’ houses when they had babies, were sick, or just needed a boost with a fresh, hot loaf of that miraculous bread. She did it because she really cared. There was never a calling she turned down, never a needy soul she turned away, and never a single moment of her life when she wasn’t building up the kingdom of God. She was a phenomenal example of “Charity never faileth.”

They followed the Savior every moment of their lives by feeding His sheep and teaching me to do the same. They knew me, loved me, trusted me, and showed me how to live a Christlike life by living one themselves.

And they still do!!

Ten Foot Tall Teenager

Joey loves massages. As a Christmas gift, I bought him a half-hour massage with a massage therapy instructor. We arrived a little early at her place of business, a physical therapy office, and took a seat in the waiting room. Soon after, a physical therapy patient rolled out of the office into the waiting room in her wheelchair. As she waited for her ride, she went to the vending machines for a snack. Her purse, slung across the back of her chair, was impossibly out of her reach. As she struggled to turn and reach for it, Joey quietly got up and walked over to her. "Can I help you?" he gently said. "Oh yes," she replied with relief. I watched with a joyful heart as he carefully extracted her purse from the headrest of her chair. Unable to reach the money slot (it was too high for her to reach comfortably from her chair), she gave the money to Joey. He slowly threaded it in and punched the numbers for her snacks. When she offered to buy him something, he said simply, "No thank you, I just wanted to help you." As he walked back towards me, he was ten feet tall in my eyes.

Jumping For Joy

Today my two sons returned home from their holidays in Seattle. As their plane pulled up to the gate, I had to restrain myself from literally jumping for joy! They were only gone for a week, but whenever they go out of town it seems like much longer. I'm sure it's because my life really revolves around them and their schedules. Before they left, Wayne and I talked about all of the exciting things we would do when we had "the house to ourselves" but the most exciting thing we did was fall asleep watching the news! What's up with that? In 6 years we will be "empty-nesters" and should be planning trips to Hawaii, the Bahamas, San Diego, etc. We're too young to be falling asleep watching the news. Maybe when we hit sixty and seventy that will seem exciting, but for now, I think I will keep my eyes on Hawaii. The little eaglets will fledge and leave the nest and Mama and Papa Eagle will need to do more than perch on the edge and sigh wistfully.

Get in Christmas Gear, Girl!!

Yikes, today is December 19 and I have almost nothing done for Christmas! My yearly family letter (not written), a fabulous array of thoughtful gifts (not even thought about-much less bought or wrapped), goodie plates (not even made yet), family photo (ummmmm). While the photos, gifts, letters, and treats are all wonderful, they only represent what Jesus Christ Himself gave each one of us. He condescended to this world on our behalf. Perfection, pure and brilliant, twinkled into this bleak and abysmal world to wrap around us and lift our imperfections away. He gave us an eternal gift, will we accept it? Do we read His letters to us daily and devour them like the treats they are? At this joyous season, let us remember why we celebrate and what the JOY is all about.

waiting on Joe-o, waiting on Joe...

If you listen to country music, you'll have heard the song, "Waiting on Joe." Well, that's what I'm doing right now! We had home school PE today at the YMCA. Swimming: Joey's favorite! I lugged in my laptop, my school books, paper, pens, etc. to work on my finals while he was busy swimming. ( I don't like swimming or chlorine!) It took me an hour and a half to completely finish the essay required for my English Literature final, then I studied for my Economics final for another half hour, and now I am bored. I looked for him in the pool to tell him, "Hey, time to go!" but he looks so cute swimming with the other boys. The other home schooled boys are nice, non-competetive, and they like Joey just as much as he likes them (unlike the other kids he comes in contact with). I weighed my level of boredom against his level of enjoyment, and of course his enjoyment won out hands down! Uh-oh, they just opened up the water slide....I may never get out of here...

Check out my COOL new galoshes!! They were only 3 bucks at the Rexburg D.I.

Pics

Here are some pics of our Christmas lights and tree, our family, and Wayne and I on our date at the Botanical Garden. Isn't Isaac so cute??? Our own little Grinch...and Joey is dressed up as Santa Claus!

The Down-side

Today, while checking my college email account, I saw a letter from an unknown sender with a subject referring to my little letter to the editor. The writer of said email wasn't very happy with my defense of the Mormons! He chided me for citing examples of charity and claimed that charity was no excuse for "persecuting minorities" (meaning the gay/lesbian community). Obviously this person knows nothing of LDS history and the devastating persecutions the early Saints endured! Mulling over this unpleasant, confrontational letter, I was surprised to find myself feeling a bit sorry for myself. Additionally, I began to long (for the millionth time) for BYU and the LDS environment associated with it. (Can you tell I don't handle confrontations very well?) Once I realized that the evil associated with this email was permeating my soul, I prayed to Heavenly Father for the strength and ability to either dismiss it or respond to it accordingly. I firmly committed to Heavenly Father my testimony of the truthfulness of this gospel and expressed deep gratitude for the courage to stand for truth and righteousness. As I rose from my knees, an image settled into my mind, replacing the feelings of doubt and self-pity. Vivid and clear, I imagined myself crushing satan under my heel and grinding it in (much like when I squish hobo spiders!). I smiled and instantly felt lifted and calm. In my chosen career path, I expect to meet with the adversary on many occasions. I take it the Lord is preparing me now. Attending BYU would be so very delightful, but I understand, for the first time, why Heavenly Father has left me at BSU: it is to prepare me for what is to come. I hope that I will be able to do what He wants me to do and become all that He wants me to be.