Solace in Sickness

I'm sick with the flu. Yeah, hooray for me. Achy, feverish, tired, and just a general feeling of YUCK has prevailed all day. I did some of my homework, Math, Chemistry, and Biology wait for no woman sick or not, but was bored stiff laying around in bed all day. I did a bunch of quizzes on FaceBook which told me stuff I already knew (I'm stubborn and independent WOW! surprise!) and was so bored! Suddenly, I remembered I had a stack of Ensigns that I had NOT read. December, January, February, AND March. Since I started school this term, I have been so busy with homework that I've failed to make time to read this crucial publication of modern-day revelation. After I had spent several hours devouring all of the inspiring and poignant articles, I realized that I was grateful that I had come down with the flu. It forced me to turn to that which is of utmost importance and to re-acquaint myself with the words which I love to read, and to reorganize my priorities.

To the Moon and Back

It's been awhile since I last posted. I am so busy with school this term, I've hardly had time to breathe. I've been really worried (what a surprise, I was worried about something) about my family now that I am enrolled at BSU full time. I barely have time to say hello and ask them about their days, much less do very many activities with them. During yesterday's talk time after Joey was in bed, I apologized for being so involved in my homework all the time. I asked him if he felt left out or lonely because I am "nose to my books" literally every day except Sunday. He looked up at me with a sweet expression on his face and said simply, "No." I was a bit surprised and so I probed him a little more, "Are you sure? It's okay to be upset that I'm so involved with school." Once again, he insisted he was totally happy with the situation. Suddenly, it dawned on me, he really was glad! He has been in charge of his own schooling with only guidance and minor direction from me. He pulls up his own schedule every day, writes down what his assignments are, then gets on it. When he needs my help, he simply comes to me, gets the help he needs, then is off again. He is growing up and, for him, the current situation suits him just fine. So, I swallowed my Mommy Guilt and we continued our talk time, then we said goodnight.

As I walked out of his room, I was thinking (yes, it's true, I'm always thinking too!). I know I'm supposed to be getting my education at the full-time level until I am finished (2 more years). I have prayed so hard that Heavenly Father would watch over and protect my family because I simply cannot do it all. And He has! He has picked up where I left off; He has made up the difference.

In our lives, we can do everything in our power to be perfect and righteous and wonderful, but in the end we will always fall short. Guess what? That is just life. It doesn't mean we're bad mothers, terrible people, and unrighteous saints, it simply means we're human. Do we recognize that if we reach up as high as we can Heavenly Father will reach down the rest of the way? Do we see that there are days when we can reach quite high, and other days when we can barely lift our arms at all? Thankfully, that distance doesn't matter to our Father. He will make up the difference.

One of my favorite bed-time stories that I used to read to my boys has a line that says, "I love you to the moon and back." Heavenly Father loves us that much and more.

Plow Through The Pain

A few months ago, my precious mother started experiencing terrible pain in her knee. She went to a chiropractor and obtained temporary relief, but the underlying problem just wouldn't go away. Reluctantly, she consulted a different doctor. The presence of arthritis in her knee was confirmed and surgery was required to correct the problem. Just before Thanksgiving, it was done. During the holidays, she cared for her knee appropriately (well, she overdid it a little, no one can get that chili pepper to stay put), but she wasn't healing as well as she had hoped. For those of you who don't know my mother, she is a tiny woman with bright red hair who never sits still. She hikes all over the hills and mountains of Idaho and even hiked in Moab, Utah last summer. She is the definition of "Zoom, Zoom." Feeling frustrated over her lack of mobility, she sought the counsel of her doctor once again. He was displeased with her recovery as well and referred her to a physical therapist. After 2 weeks of intense therapy, range of motion in her knee still hadn't improved enough. Frightfully, the doctor insisted on a "last ditch" attempt: she needed to come in to the hospital, go under anesthesia, and he would bend that knee to break the scar tissue and free up the joint. She was so nervous about this procedure but knew the choices before her: be maimed for the rest of her life or go through this tremendously painful experience.

Yesterday evening, she called me after she had arrived home from having the bone crunching done. She was happy. The pain was ferocious, almost worse than she could bear, but her prognosis is excellent. The doctor acknowledged the scar tissue was thick and stubborn, but he successfully broke through it and, through a few more weeks of physical therapy, full recovery is expected.

As we talked about her experience, we realized the spiritual likeness in our lives. Oh, so often we are called to travel through experiences that are fierce and flaming. We can either choose to avoid them and remain crippled for eternity, or we can grit our teeth and lift our chin (like my incredible Mama always does) and plow through the pain. As we come out on the other side, we will experience relief, joy, and increased strength.

Please Pay It Forward

I am participating in the Pay it Forward exchange. Keep in mind you have a whole YEAR to do this. This is how it works: Pay It Forward Exchange is based on the concept of the movie "Pay it forward." I will send a hand made gift to the first three people who leave a comment to this post on my blog requesting to join the PIF exchange. All the gifts will be made and posted out within the next year. How exciting to not know when your surprise package will arrive! What you need to do in return is pay it forward by making the same promise on your blog. This Exchange is only open to those with active websites or blogs. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS PROMISE TO POST THIS SAME 'PAY IT FORWARD' MESSAGE ONTO YOUR BLOG, WHICH MUST BE ACTIVE IN ORDER TO PLAY. YOU WILL PAY IT FORWARD TO THREE PEOPLE WHO COMMENT ON YOUR BLOG. I'd love for you to join me! Will you? Other comments are welcome, but only the first three will be my Pay It Forward recipients. Come and join me. Who doesn't love a gift or giving gifts??

Dreams With Depth

A couple of nights ago, I had a bizarre dream. I lived in a different house: it was an old historic house that Wayne and I were restoring. It had amazing wood floors that echoed a deep Thunk! when I walked on them. In this dream, I owned a snake; a King Cobra to be exact. (I know, how creepy is that?) This snake was old and a pretty beat up. When it was in its cage it just flopped into a ball and never moved or struck out at anything. One day, the house was quiet and I was there alone. I got to looking at that old, pathetic snake and felt a little sorry for the creature. I decided to let it out of its cage. (I know, you are all screaming, "AHHHH DON'T LET IT OUT!!!" Remember, this is a dream where I couldn't control my actions, okay?) I dumped Mr. Cobra out on the gorgeous hardwood floor, and he just curled up into a harmless little "S" curve and did nothing. I was busy refinishing something and didn't really pay Mr. Cobra much mind. He continued to lay on the floor doing absolutely nothing. I left the room for one second to get some supplies and when I got back, Mr. Cobra was gone. Just like that! I started to panic, "HOLY COW! There is a SNAKE loose in my HOUSE...a KING COBRA!!" No one else was home, remember, but I have 6 pets that I absolutely adore, all of whom would make a tasty meal for a big ugly snake! I started running through the house desperately looking for the filthy creep and praying that he hadn't eaten my husband's Chihuahua, my pug, or the cats.... (I wasn't too worried about Smokey; good luck eating a 75-pound labrador...) Finally, in an upstairs bedroom, I found Mr. Cobra. He was reared up in all his youthful glory, hood fully expanded, looking a WHOLE lot different than the old, sick, pathetic, "S" I had left on the floor only moments before. The focus of his beady eyes was one of my cats, Fizzy. She was crouched under a low table hissing and spitting to beat the band, but she was going to be dinner for Mr. Cobra! I was SO mad that this dirty bum DARED to try and make my kitty his dinner, and I reached out in a flash and grabbed the slimeball around the neck (do snakes have a neck?) and choked it to death.

Upon awakening from this disturbing dream, at first I laughed to myself and thought,"Wow, I must be wacko for dreaming about snakes!" Then, I started to think. Now, most things to me become a spiritual experience because I really look for God's hand in my life. I became aware, almost as slowly as the sun rises, what the meaning of this dream really was for me. How does Satan work? Oh yes, he is a snake for sure, I know he is, but he disguises himself or makes himself appear "harmless" or "pathetic" just like Mr. Cobra did in this dream. Additionally, if I turn my back for even just one second, his true nature will suddenly reveal itself and I will be in immediate peril. Just like in my dream, I need to search out where he may be hiding in my life, whether it be through media influence, complacency in prayer, the "all is well in Zion" syndrome, or any other matter of blindness. Finally, once I discover his influence, I need to recognize my own power to crush it and kill it and rid myself of it.

And maybe I should install wood floors, wow those were sure nice!

Spiritual Serenity

Peering out my window this morning, I saw a soft, white fog resting in the air. Quickly donning my winter gear and hoping for above-freezing temperatures, I stepped out into the clouds. As I moved forward through the quiet mist, I began to think upon spiritual matters. For instance, the fog softens and mutes the sounds of traffic and barking dogs, much like the Holy Spirit quiets the clamoring eruptions of the world. Furthermore, it curves and curls around the earth blurring the rough edges, much like an artist's magic putty. Walking quickly to stay warm, my little pug dog and I soon began to breathe heavily. I felt as if the clouds and I were breathing in opposition to each other; inhaling filled my lungs with the clouds' exhale and vice versa. They and I, existing together, are both God's creations. Further down the road, I discovered some trumpet vines with fog dripping from their naked, outstretched tendrils, and a patch of fountain grass bent meekly under the weight of frosty crystals. I began to think of all the plants and animals that must weather through the season of cold and bitter weather, and then my thoughts turned to my life, and your life, and the lives of all mankind. Truly, we are called on to weather raw and icy seasons of our lives, aren't we? Where do we turn for peace and warmth in those dark and dreary times? A scripture from The Book of Mormon came to my mind as I pondered this question. It is in 2 Nephi 25:26 and it says, "And we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ, and we write according to our prophecies, that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins." Just as sunshine is the source of light and heat, Jesus Christ is our source to whom we may turn, if we will, in those sorrowful seasons. May peace from heaven wrap itself around us just as the tranquil fog rested upon the valley today.

Loving Leaders

Sister Neal (from church) called me last night and asked me to talk for a couple of minutes during her lesson about a leader that I have loved and why. The first person that came into my mind was my father and the second was my mother. I have had many other leaders who have deeply affected my life: YW leaders, bishops, RS presidents to name a few. However, by far the most influential leaders in my life were my father and mother.

Although I have countless examples as to why my father is an incredible leader in my life (I could fill up volumes if I wrote them all down), one particular example comes to my mind. My Dad was the bishop of our ward throughout all of my teenage years. Living in a very small, predominantly LDS town, I rebelled a little bit and started going with a guy who walked a touch on the wild side. My parents were surprised and a little befuddled because I hadn’t ever done anything like that before. During this time, we attended a Young Women in Excellance night where I received some kind of advancement award. On the back of the piece of paper was a place for the YW president and the bishop to write a little comment. My Dad expressed his love to me and then he wrote, “It only takes one fly to spoil a pot of soup. It only takes one folly to ruin a reputation.” Now: he and my mom could have had a FIT over this guy. They could have grounded me for life and demanded that I never see him again. Instead, they trusted me and trusted that I would make the right decision. I believe that my Dad, also being my bishop, was able to receive clear and distinct inspiration for me, and he acted on that inspiration.

My mother was an incredible leader in my life because she taught me how to care about other people. My earliest memories of my mother are of accompanying her while she faithfully went visiting teaching. She also baked fabulous, amazing, homemade bread. She was the first one at sisters’ houses when they had babies, were sick, or just needed a boost with a fresh, hot loaf of that miraculous bread. She did it because she really cared. There was never a calling she turned down, never a needy soul she turned away, and never a single moment of her life when she wasn’t building up the kingdom of God. She was a phenomenal example of “Charity never faileth.”

They followed the Savior every moment of their lives by feeding His sheep and teaching me to do the same. They knew me, loved me, trusted me, and showed me how to live a Christlike life by living one themselves.

And they still do!!

Ten Foot Tall Teenager

Joey loves massages. As a Christmas gift, I bought him a half-hour massage with a massage therapy instructor. We arrived a little early at her place of business, a physical therapy office, and took a seat in the waiting room. Soon after, a physical therapy patient rolled out of the office into the waiting room in her wheelchair. As she waited for her ride, she went to the vending machines for a snack. Her purse, slung across the back of her chair, was impossibly out of her reach. As she struggled to turn and reach for it, Joey quietly got up and walked over to her. "Can I help you?" he gently said. "Oh yes," she replied with relief. I watched with a joyful heart as he carefully extracted her purse from the headrest of her chair. Unable to reach the money slot (it was too high for her to reach comfortably from her chair), she gave the money to Joey. He slowly threaded it in and punched the numbers for her snacks. When she offered to buy him something, he said simply, "No thank you, I just wanted to help you." As he walked back towards me, he was ten feet tall in my eyes.

Jumping For Joy

Today my two sons returned home from their holidays in Seattle. As their plane pulled up to the gate, I had to restrain myself from literally jumping for joy! They were only gone for a week, but whenever they go out of town it seems like much longer. I'm sure it's because my life really revolves around them and their schedules. Before they left, Wayne and I talked about all of the exciting things we would do when we had "the house to ourselves" but the most exciting thing we did was fall asleep watching the news! What's up with that? In 6 years we will be "empty-nesters" and should be planning trips to Hawaii, the Bahamas, San Diego, etc. We're too young to be falling asleep watching the news. Maybe when we hit sixty and seventy that will seem exciting, but for now, I think I will keep my eyes on Hawaii. The little eaglets will fledge and leave the nest and Mama and Papa Eagle will need to do more than perch on the edge and sigh wistfully.

Get in Christmas Gear, Girl!!

Yikes, today is December 19 and I have almost nothing done for Christmas! My yearly family letter (not written), a fabulous array of thoughtful gifts (not even thought about-much less bought or wrapped), goodie plates (not even made yet), family photo (ummmmm). While the photos, gifts, letters, and treats are all wonderful, they only represent what Jesus Christ Himself gave each one of us. He condescended to this world on our behalf. Perfection, pure and brilliant, twinkled into this bleak and abysmal world to wrap around us and lift our imperfections away. He gave us an eternal gift, will we accept it? Do we read His letters to us daily and devour them like the treats they are? At this joyous season, let us remember why we celebrate and what the JOY is all about.

waiting on Joe-o, waiting on Joe...

If you listen to country music, you'll have heard the song, "Waiting on Joe." Well, that's what I'm doing right now! We had home school PE today at the YMCA. Swimming: Joey's favorite! I lugged in my laptop, my school books, paper, pens, etc. to work on my finals while he was busy swimming. ( I don't like swimming or chlorine!) It took me an hour and a half to completely finish the essay required for my English Literature final, then I studied for my Economics final for another half hour, and now I am bored. I looked for him in the pool to tell him, "Hey, time to go!" but he looks so cute swimming with the other boys. The other home schooled boys are nice, non-competetive, and they like Joey just as much as he likes them (unlike the other kids he comes in contact with). I weighed my level of boredom against his level of enjoyment, and of course his enjoyment won out hands down! Uh-oh, they just opened up the water slide....I may never get out of here...

Check out my COOL new galoshes!! They were only 3 bucks at the Rexburg D.I.

Pics

Here are some pics of our Christmas lights and tree, our family, and Wayne and I on our date at the Botanical Garden. Isn't Isaac so cute??? Our own little Grinch...and Joey is dressed up as Santa Claus!

The Down-side

Today, while checking my college email account, I saw a letter from an unknown sender with a subject referring to my little letter to the editor. The writer of said email wasn't very happy with my defense of the Mormons! He chided me for citing examples of charity and claimed that charity was no excuse for "persecuting minorities" (meaning the gay/lesbian community). Obviously this person knows nothing of LDS history and the devastating persecutions the early Saints endured! Mulling over this unpleasant, confrontational letter, I was surprised to find myself feeling a bit sorry for myself. Additionally, I began to long (for the millionth time) for BYU and the LDS environment associated with it. (Can you tell I don't handle confrontations very well?) Once I realized that the evil associated with this email was permeating my soul, I prayed to Heavenly Father for the strength and ability to either dismiss it or respond to it accordingly. I firmly committed to Heavenly Father my testimony of the truthfulness of this gospel and expressed deep gratitude for the courage to stand for truth and righteousness. As I rose from my knees, an image settled into my mind, replacing the feelings of doubt and self-pity. Vivid and clear, I imagined myself crushing satan under my heel and grinding it in (much like when I squish hobo spiders!). I smiled and instantly felt lifted and calm. In my chosen career path, I expect to meet with the adversary on many occasions. I take it the Lord is preparing me now. Attending BYU would be so very delightful, but I understand, for the first time, why Heavenly Father has left me at BSU: it is to prepare me for what is to come. I hope that I will be able to do what He wants me to do and become all that He wants me to be.

Published

Okay, so it was just a little letter to the editor, but they printed it! Wow, it was pretty awesome to see my own words in print. I could get used to this...

And to cap my happy glow, my SWEET husband hung up bunches of beautiful, twinkly lights on our house while I was in class!! I swear that man moves so fast I can hardly keep up! He did it all in an hour, can you believe it? I'll post pics of it tomorrow (after I get done studying for English Lit).

The lights go up on Isaac's debut performance in the school musical this Friday night! It's a play called "Mrs. Scrooge," and he is the ghost of Christmas Past and Present. Lately, he's been putting in twelve-hour days, since he leaves for Seminary at 6 a.m. and sometimes doesn't get home from rehearsal until 6 p.m. What a great young man!!

Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree...

We put up our Christmas tree yesterday. Today, after church, we decorated it. Wayne warmed cider for us and we listened to holiday music. Every year, each of us picks out one new ornament to add to our collection, so decorating the tree is a sweet time filled with memories. I noticed that all of Joey's ornaments are sparkly, and most of them are stars. Very befitting of Joey, who is himself a sparkly star in our family. After 10 years of adding 4 ornaments each year, we have such a variety that we no longer have room on the tree for glass balls and other generic decorations. It's wonderful! A tree of memories!

Letter to the Editor

Last night after I finished my English Literature class, I casually picked up a copy of The Arbiter, BSU's newspaper. Today as I was browsing through the articles (editing everything of course), I came across a letter to the editor that ridiculed the Church for involvement in Proposition 8. It really was a pretty poorly written piece in my opinion (I'm not biased at all right?), but I felt a compulsion to step to the line and refute the trash. Fighting evil isn't for someone else, it's for me! So I sat down at my trusty computer and hammered out a letter of my own. I logged onto my Bronco Web account and sent it off to the Arbiter. Maybe I should have also told them that there were a LOT of punctuation errors, one spelling error, and wow, countless editing errors in their paper. Maybe, when I have enough senority, my name will be in the byline and there won't be so many mistakes! ANYWAY>>>I digress!

Reading in the Book of Mormon, I see countless examples of good people fighting evil with ceaseless endurance. Furthermore, I am reminded of Chapter 3 in "Standing for Something," by Pres. Gordon B. Hinckley. There is one line in particular which stands out in my mind: "The challenge to recognize evil and oppose it is one that every moral, virtuous, person must accept." I commit to opposing evil every day. It is everywhere, and I will draw the line and stand firm in sustaining and defending the kingdom of God. Who's on the Lord's side who? I am.


Here is a copy of my little letter. It could only be 300 words (!!!! ACK!) otherwise it would have cited more examples and I would have said a lot more.




Yes, Thank the Mormons!! Responding to James Rodriguez (Dec 1), yes, let's thank the Mormons! Preceding the election, members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints demonstrated courage and strength as they stood, tall and unyielding, for the truths they believed in. As a result, they endured severe persecution, hatred, and defacing of holy temples and churches. Daily, LDS people utilize programs in the Church to benefit local, national, and international needs. While many blasted the Church for the stand on traditional marriage, those same "blasters" willingly stood in line to receive hygiene kits, fresh water, and supplies after fires destroyed homes in California. These necessities were provided freely by members of the LDS Church. Additionally, following the ravages of Hurricane Katrina, the LDS Church was among the very first to bring desperately needed relief. These examples are just two of countless deeds voluntarily executed by members of the LDS Church to ease the suffering of humanity. How is that a bad thing? Just as LDS members are NOT the only ones supporting traditional marriage, they aren't the only ones providing relief and charitable acts of service, either. Maybe, if we all opened up our eyes and started looking for those who are suffering and truly in need, we'd find that there is hunger, disease, heartache, and sorrow flourishing in abundance all around us. Why waste energy in riots, destruction, and persecution when so many are perishing with pain? The opportunities for giving love and service are everywhere! The sorrow that so many feel because they lack the basic necessities of life is staggering! Giving relief to an aching soul brings peace and contentment to the giver and receiver. Perhaps the test of this life isn't, "What can I get?!" but, "What can I give?"

Thanksgiving Holiday